I’ll never forget the first time you touched me.
Finger tips finding their way around my chest,
Electricity coursing through my veins every time you moved.
I was afraid the current would make my heart stop,
But it just worked harder,
Until I could feel it expanding in my chest,
Pressing against my rib cage,
Ready to burst,
Because for the first time in a long time,
Happiness had burrowed into my ventricles.
It was being pumped through my bloodstream,
Until my body was finally awake,
After months of being numb.
And thank God,
Because I was so tired of being numb.
I fell asleep in the warmth of newness,
My mind filled with the thought of falling in love again,
Filled with conflicts and contradictions.
A voice echoing warnings,
Reminders of the way love hurts.
But it was silenced by a chorus chanting, “Relax,”
As if love is some kind of summer camp trust fall,
And I’m starting to lean back.
I want to lean into you with everything I have,
But I’m so afraid of you stepping away,
Instead of catching me.
I’m afraid of my head slamming into the ground,
Dirt reminding me of the country road,
Where I fell in love before.
That memory leading to others,
Like the pain that was so excruciating,
It left me afraid of feeling.
I want to feel you,
leaving your fingerprints on my skin,
Tracing circles on the backs of my thighs,
Moving with me,
And I know you could just leave me feeling broken,
But I want to feel this.
I need to feel you.